Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
