Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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