He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
