Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
