I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
