Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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