i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
