i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
