She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
