Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
