It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
