I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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