FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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