There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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