My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
