By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
