New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
