We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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