Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
