yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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