the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
