i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
