Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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