Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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