just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
