I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
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OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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