don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
