I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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