Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
