The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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