I heard we made out
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
