I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
