I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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