We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
