i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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