I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
