Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
