I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
