Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
