Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
