Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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