hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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