Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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