I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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