Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
