Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
