Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
