BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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