She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
