those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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