Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
