i don't like sucking hair
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
