I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
