they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am puke
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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