he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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