people are starting to question the shark bite story
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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