She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
