So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I understand Curling. That high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
