this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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