dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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