be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dicks are not precious.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
