Kiss
Puke
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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