Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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