I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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