I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
