Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
