Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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