you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
