I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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