I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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