I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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