I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
