And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
