your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
