he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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